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iimpavidThere was definitely a time in my blogging life where I wasn't stressed to the gills at every hour of every day, but this is not that era. Apologies, y'all.
Either I'm experiencing bizarre visceral pain or I'm developing shingles again... It definitely feels like shingles, though, but knowing medical professionals I have to wait until stage 2 of sore development before they'll believe me.
I find it wildly irksome that my body comes with a built-in stress warning system courtesy of the chicken pox virus.
Either I'm experiencing bizarre visceral pain or I'm developing shingles again... It definitely feels like shingles, though, but knowing medical professionals I have to wait until stage 2 of sore development before they'll believe me.
I find it wildly irksome that my body comes with a built-in stress warning system courtesy of the chicken pox virus.
I'm already well aware of how stressed I am on a daily basis, thank you very much: I've stopped washing my coffee mug and lost the ability to maintain my own routines. It's pretty obvious that there's a problem. There are no vegetables in the refrigerator and we don't have the rent money to cover December. (Dear gods please let my sibling get a job soon. Or at least allow the government to finish processing her unemployment benefits-- we're heading into month 3 of this runaround bullshit.)
All I want to do is spin yarn and go to bed early. Instead, I get to Do Job Tasks and muddle through preparing to teach a friend to read music. This is a skillset I've never taught before and I have no idea where the hell to start and I can only just barely play piano... but I really, desperately need the money they're offering me to do it so I have to figure this out.
Things are gonna get a little ~woo~ for a second here, skip the next few paragraphs if polytheistic stuff ain't up your alley:
I was Told at the start of this horseshit that we'd come out the other side of it alright enough, it'd just take a whole heap of creativity and a willingness to reach out to other human beings. And on some level I do believe that, evidenced the fact that I'm actively seeking all the out of the box solutions I can get my grubby little paws on instead of just wallowing and being relentlessly pissy about how bad this feels. (Although I am doing a bit of wallowing and pissiness now and again; I'm only human. I try to keep it contained to text mediums and not directed toward any people.)
But also I'd love to know what the timeline here is. I get that The Dude doesn't work on a timeline or with the expected, and the Norns wouldn't even take my call if I bothered to ask. But I need to know when the next brief vacation from the relentless grind of capitalism is coming our way. I can put up with pretty much anything if I know when it's gonna end.
We finished the ancestor elevation for the grandparent sib believed was at least part of their ongoing strife. I can't say whether that ancestor feels any less troubled at this point, but their portrait on our altar seems to be less of an attention black hole, if that makes sense. I can look at it without feeling anxious, drawn in, trapped, or resentful. This could just be a function of exposure after spending 9 days praying over this person's image for health, peace, rest, and so on... but I'm hoping it also means they're a little more peaceful than before. I'm hoping that sib was right, that this person WAS a large part of the "family curse" they seem to be under, and that working for this person's peace in the afterlife will help us here in this life, too.
Only time will tell, I suppose.
/end ~*woo*~
I'm hoping I adapt to being this tired soon. I hope I can share some useful musical knowledge tonight. I hope sibling gets a callback that amounts to "yes we'll hire you to start monday". I hope their SNAP card gets here with today's mail. I hope this weekend I have time to spin yarn-- someone on Pillowfort gave me some really good advice on how to draft that I want to try out sooner rather than later.
All I want to do is spin yarn and go to bed early. Instead, I get to Do Job Tasks and muddle through preparing to teach a friend to read music. This is a skillset I've never taught before and I have no idea where the hell to start and I can only just barely play piano... but I really, desperately need the money they're offering me to do it so I have to figure this out.
Things are gonna get a little ~woo~ for a second here, skip the next few paragraphs if polytheistic stuff ain't up your alley:
I was Told at the start of this horseshit that we'd come out the other side of it alright enough, it'd just take a whole heap of creativity and a willingness to reach out to other human beings. And on some level I do believe that, evidenced the fact that I'm actively seeking all the out of the box solutions I can get my grubby little paws on instead of just wallowing and being relentlessly pissy about how bad this feels. (Although I am doing a bit of wallowing and pissiness now and again; I'm only human. I try to keep it contained to text mediums and not directed toward any people.)
But also I'd love to know what the timeline here is. I get that The Dude doesn't work on a timeline or with the expected, and the Norns wouldn't even take my call if I bothered to ask. But I need to know when the next brief vacation from the relentless grind of capitalism is coming our way. I can put up with pretty much anything if I know when it's gonna end.
We finished the ancestor elevation for the grandparent sib believed was at least part of their ongoing strife. I can't say whether that ancestor feels any less troubled at this point, but their portrait on our altar seems to be less of an attention black hole, if that makes sense. I can look at it without feeling anxious, drawn in, trapped, or resentful. This could just be a function of exposure after spending 9 days praying over this person's image for health, peace, rest, and so on... but I'm hoping it also means they're a little more peaceful than before. I'm hoping that sib was right, that this person WAS a large part of the "family curse" they seem to be under, and that working for this person's peace in the afterlife will help us here in this life, too.
Only time will tell, I suppose.
/end ~*woo*~
I'm hoping I adapt to being this tired soon. I hope I can share some useful musical knowledge tonight. I hope sibling gets a callback that amounts to "yes we'll hire you to start monday". I hope their SNAP card gets here with today's mail. I hope this weekend I have time to spin yarn-- someone on Pillowfort gave me some really good advice on how to draft that I want to try out sooner rather than later.
no subject
on 2022-11-10 04:03 pm (UTC)And, yeah, people can be real mean. I wish they wouldn't. I honestly feel like the idea that "a person must be able to read music to be good at music" is a fundamental lack of understanding of How Music Works-- I used to think that way and then I learned better! It is true that there are advantages when working on a schedule to having people who are able to sight-read, yes, or if someone struggles with memory. However, reading sheet music doesn't make anyone good at making the pretty music sounds.
All you need to make music is the desire to do it, a body and, depending on the type of music, the ability to breathe well. Hearing helps, too, but that isn't essential. Music is a far, far more fundamental human expression than language or symbols can contain.