to yeet or not to yeet
Feb. 28th, 2023 03:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
iimpavid The endometriosis has escalated in some really hideous ways this last month! This pushed a doctor to give me lupron depot, which has disabled my ovaries and will last about a month.
This is the first time in my life that I haven't woken up both exhausted and in pain every day. I'm not tired... I just feel kind of neutral and it's incredible. I'm not so exhausted by my desk job every day that I can't go for walks, do chores, or run errands after work.The only pain I have is from arthritis, which isn't too advanced just yet. I can eat anything without IBS symptoms of any kind, including pain. My vulvar endometriomas have actually shrunk slightly-- I'm forced to assume some of my internal ones have, too, although there's no proof of that. I have no physical symptoms of anxiety-- I haven't had heart palpitations or sweats or shakes at all when I've felt nervous and honestly I've only really felt nervous or irritated rather than anxious. This feeling of security is goddamn surreal.
My negative side effects are several but small: I'm irritable as hell, which is fairly fleeting and hasn't caused major issues. Hot flashes are uncomfortable and will probably suck a lot in summer but I can deal. I can tell that I'm going to develop some very unpleasant acne very soon but that's why I have a skincare routine. I'm utterly ambivalent about the risks of vaginal dryness or whatever-- I'm pretty sure I can deal with that just fine with a small amount of lube if it gets uncomfortable. I have a bit of insomnia, which is annoying but isn't impacting my energy levels after sleeping. I'm not excited for facial hair because that makes me feel insecure-- but I have a lot of shit that makes me feel insecure, I can cope. I'll be a little sad if my voice drops but as long as I can still sing I don't really care if menopause drops my range because I'm not in constant pain.
Basically: Lupron is goddamn magical. Estrogen is the devil.
The trouble is Lupron is that it isn't covered by insurance and it costs around about $1100-ish per injection each month and even if you can afford it a doctor won't give you more than 6 injections in a row.
My surgeon wants to give me a progesterone IUD rather than remove my ovaries. I agreed to the IUD as a last resort because, even though I know it will trigger hideous mental health problems, it was a familiar set of side effects-- I was scared of menopause. But if menopause is going to be like this... I would like to yeet my ovaries wholesale, honestly. This isn't bad at all. I think I can tolerate it.
If I choose to yeet my ovaries I'll need to immediately take up daily weight bearing exercise and a collection of supplements to support my bone density-- I'm barely even 30, so this is going to be rough on my bones. There's a chance my depression will get bad again but historically it's always been tied to menstruation in very extreme and unsafe ways... if I don't have that hormone cycle then I think I'll be alright.
Plus, the idea of having an IUD specifically fills me with a deep sense of dread and danger-- even if I were one of the lucky few for whom this went well, the idea of simply having it at all scares me-- whereas yeeting my ovaries feels value neutral.
The only catch is that, of course, yeeting the ovaries is permanent. I have to be as certain as possible that this will fix my endo problems... and given how the Lupron is treating me I'm feeling more and more sure that this will absolutely fix my endo problems. I just have to actually, y'know, go through with it.
In other news: this month I've made almost no jewelry, there's still a hole in the master bathroom ceiling, and we got a temporary repair cobbled together for our awful sofa.
This is the first time in my life that I haven't woken up both exhausted and in pain every day. I'm not tired... I just feel kind of neutral and it's incredible. I'm not so exhausted by my desk job every day that I can't go for walks, do chores, or run errands after work.The only pain I have is from arthritis, which isn't too advanced just yet. I can eat anything without IBS symptoms of any kind, including pain. My vulvar endometriomas have actually shrunk slightly-- I'm forced to assume some of my internal ones have, too, although there's no proof of that. I have no physical symptoms of anxiety-- I haven't had heart palpitations or sweats or shakes at all when I've felt nervous and honestly I've only really felt nervous or irritated rather than anxious. This feeling of security is goddamn surreal.
My negative side effects are several but small: I'm irritable as hell, which is fairly fleeting and hasn't caused major issues. Hot flashes are uncomfortable and will probably suck a lot in summer but I can deal. I can tell that I'm going to develop some very unpleasant acne very soon but that's why I have a skincare routine. I'm utterly ambivalent about the risks of vaginal dryness or whatever-- I'm pretty sure I can deal with that just fine with a small amount of lube if it gets uncomfortable. I have a bit of insomnia, which is annoying but isn't impacting my energy levels after sleeping. I'm not excited for facial hair because that makes me feel insecure-- but I have a lot of shit that makes me feel insecure, I can cope. I'll be a little sad if my voice drops but as long as I can still sing I don't really care if menopause drops my range because I'm not in constant pain.
Basically: Lupron is goddamn magical. Estrogen is the devil.
The trouble is Lupron is that it isn't covered by insurance and it costs around about $1100-ish per injection each month and even if you can afford it a doctor won't give you more than 6 injections in a row.
My surgeon wants to give me a progesterone IUD rather than remove my ovaries. I agreed to the IUD as a last resort because, even though I know it will trigger hideous mental health problems, it was a familiar set of side effects-- I was scared of menopause. But if menopause is going to be like this... I would like to yeet my ovaries wholesale, honestly. This isn't bad at all. I think I can tolerate it.
If I choose to yeet my ovaries I'll need to immediately take up daily weight bearing exercise and a collection of supplements to support my bone density-- I'm barely even 30, so this is going to be rough on my bones. There's a chance my depression will get bad again but historically it's always been tied to menstruation in very extreme and unsafe ways... if I don't have that hormone cycle then I think I'll be alright.
Plus, the idea of having an IUD specifically fills me with a deep sense of dread and danger-- even if I were one of the lucky few for whom this went well, the idea of simply having it at all scares me-- whereas yeeting my ovaries feels value neutral.
The only catch is that, of course, yeeting the ovaries is permanent. I have to be as certain as possible that this will fix my endo problems... and given how the Lupron is treating me I'm feeling more and more sure that this will absolutely fix my endo problems. I just have to actually, y'know, go through with it.
In other news: this month I've made almost no jewelry, there's still a hole in the master bathroom ceiling, and we got a temporary repair cobbled together for our awful sofa.
