Good Things

 I'm tired and frustrated and might try to nap a little before work. Here's a short list of things I like in the meantime: 

• Sprouts brand instant coffee
• lemongrass soap
• learning how to build a fire properly
• wool sweaters layered over long sleeves
• the absence of socks
• ZeFrank videos
• my sappho coffee mug
• embroidery
• the smell of wood burning
• velvet gloves

Breakfast today was eggs and toast and I'll probably eat more of the weird "plant-based" noodles for lunch.

5 Questions Meme

from hashiveinu! <3

1. If money were no object, what would your ideal living situation be? Urban, suburban, rural? Alone, family-like situation, communal?
A hobbit hole on a self-sustaining and sustainable homestead in the middle of the mountains with animal-based transportation and no real need to leave. Ideally this would be part of a communal network of nearby friends and relatives so that things like harvesting and animal care would be easier to attend to. I've devoted... an alarming amount of planning to how this might look and how much money/time/resources it would take.

Unfortunately, as I get older and less abled this is less ideal as proximity to hospital care is pretty important. So, I'm starting to think some nice Victorian-aesthetic old house on a little spit of land somewhere between suburban and rural might also be nice. I'd prefer to be within an hour's drive of the mountains, though, no matter where I go.

 

2. How did you come to practice your current religion?

This is surprisingly difficult to answer!

The shortest version is that I've kind of always Been This Way despite others' best efforts-- including my own. After Christianity didn't stick, I read a heap of philosophy and religious texts, and found that I took to polytheism like a duck to water. For Reasons, I briefly tried to stop being a polytheist and spent about 5 years studying Judaism-- and I learned a lot and found a lot to love there. But conversion was ... not in the cards, to put it mildly.

Since the pandemic, I'm back to my heathen ways, albeit without much community to deal with as many pagans range from harmlessly batshit and/or foolish to actively evil. (While I'm sure that this is true in most faiths and philosophies, there are fewer polytheists in my neck of the woods, so it feels like I can't help but turn up the ones that drive me nuts or want to harm people like me.)

I can get into it in a bit more detail elsewhere if anyone's interested-- I love talking about this stuff-- but it definitely gets quite... ~*woo*~.
 

3. If you could visit any fictional world, which one would it be?

That's easy: Middle Earth. I'll take fighting evil overlords who actually announce themselves any day over this real world bullshit. Feudalism is the actual worst but at least I could stab the lord who owned my land and take it from him if I kept stabbing enough people. While this is arguably true in our current society, it would be much, much more difficult.

Also, if I don't get to be a hobbit which is the true ideal form for me, I wanna be a dwarf. They're buff as hell. (Gimli lifted like 600 lbs of dead weight in Two Towers. Seriously. Even a civilian dwarf must be So Fucking Strong.)
 

4. Is there any field of study you wish you could study?

Right now I'm extremely interested in nursing-- if I could go to school for it for free I would do so immediately. This is relevant to my desire to spend time building my community's self-care and emergency response skills, given the givens in our country. Instead I'm looking into how to become an instructor for classes like "Stop the Bleed" on top of my active CPR instructor certification.

Other than that, I'm interested in... a ton of things. I'd like to study music, properly. That's what I wanted to do in school before I realized that I wouldn't be likely to make money unless I was exceptionally skilled and wealthy (I am neither). I would also like to study literature more broadly than I did in school as I've started to appreciate a few Hindu poets quite a lot; regain fluency in German and Spanish and start Basque; finish my Clinical Psychology degree so that I can argue about the bullshit of the DSM with perceived authority; dig into botany and environmental science more broadly; film history is also one of my major loves. If I could, I'd also finish getting my crime scene investigation certification license because leaving skillsets incomplete irritates me.
 

5. Is there any historical figure that has been inspiring to you?

Oh, gosh, I genuinely don't know how to answer that one. As a wee musician I was madly in love with Nancy Wilson, Freddie Mercury, and Mozart. Right now Ella Fitzgerald owns my heart.

But as far as... figures I look up to when things are rough, or whatever, for inspiration, I can't really think of any historical figures who fit the bill. I tend to gravitate more toward fictional and mythological characters. (Surprising no one, my favorite fictional character is Bruce Banner-- the comic book iteration, particularly Al Ewing's anti-fascist take on him, not what the Disney movies have made.)

noodling on religion

hashiveinu invited me to talk about religious stuff, so I'm gonna talk about religious stuff. 
____________________________________________________________________________
 

 
My teacher, she tells me it's a Calling.
I don't think Callings work like this.

My oldest friend only smiles, like he's winning something. I suppose he is.

He points to a pile of rocks, just like the song goes, and asks me to pick
one up and put it down somewhere else:
by this other rock, on top of that flat stone, by the stream,
just toss it on the pile there.

The rock is my job. Or my friends, or my mother,
or the myriad of modern toys he scoffs at;
it's my dubiously reliable body, or having to move house yet again, or
my entire concept of faith;
it’s learning to spin, it’s another avenue of study.

Pick it up, he tells me with a pregnant pause: but only if you want to.

It’s all trust and choice, all the time.

 You could always just quit.

It’s always about choice.

It’s no skin off my nose.
  

As if I could just quit.

We’re building something together, you know, so … why not pick up another rock?

 

When I make the mistake of asking why, everything comes up peorth
again and again and again and again --
I am so tired of not knowing where I’m going.

It’s up to you.

I’m not a fool--

No one will make you.

-- I know when I’m being led by the nose.
 

Choose this–

I know what happens when I stop letting myself be led–
I’ve had more than enough of my deathbed.

Choose me–

Any clearer direction might see me fleeing right back to the still, clean chill of the mikveh
where no sly spirit suggests I choose anything.
I know he knows it.

Choose every step on the Road.
 

Bless that Lævísi, he’s a sharp one and he uses it well.
For all I gnash my teeth and complain,
I can’t say he doesn’t know me.    

____________________________________________________________________________

( Woo on Demand )